i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Randomize
