lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
you didnt know i had herpes?
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Randomize
