hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
it was like eating out sand paper
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
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