I puked a lego.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
i think i just naturally attract stoners
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
