I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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