I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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