The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Randomize
