I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
