I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
i would one night stand the shit outta him
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Randomize
