'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Randomize
