Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
