I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Why are your pants in the freezer?
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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