gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Randomize
