I heard we made out
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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