dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Randomize
