I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Randomize
