I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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