my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Randomize
