Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
I've blown a few things in my day
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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