I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
