I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
