are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize
