i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
