Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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