I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
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