So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
