he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
someone owes me an orgasm
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
