"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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