so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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