You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Randomize
