While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Randomize
