I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
