I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
