sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
bring money and cleavage
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
