in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
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He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
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Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
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