this beer tastes like vomit already
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
