she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize