you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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