thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize
