She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
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