Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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