Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
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