There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
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