This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
