i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize
