i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
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