Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
