Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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