The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
I heard we made out
areolas are like halos for boobs.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
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