omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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