I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
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