I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
