Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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