ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Randomize
