i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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