yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
