Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Randomize
