Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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