Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
