why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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