I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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