I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
