I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
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