i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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