dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Randomize
