Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
