and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Watching her eat just hurts me
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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