Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
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