My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
