if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
Ketchup is God's man juice
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
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I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
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the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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