Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
