just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
