Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
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