Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
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