thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Randomize
