Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
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