I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
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