so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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