You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Randomize
