on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
