She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
