His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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