I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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