He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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