I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
