just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
i need some magic done to my vagina
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
