my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
