At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
i drank out of a bidet.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Randomize
