is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
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