Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I just forgot I was standing up.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Randomize
