I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Someone shattered a urinal.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Randomize
